One of the most annoying things anyone can do for a struggling writer is to offer unsolicited advice, particularly if the person offering the advice has no idea about writing, has never done it, and has no concept about what you, the struggling writer and victim of the free advice, is trying to accomplish. Any writer can tell you that the process is a lonely business and that self-doubt and nearly constant rejection are inevitable parts of the writing experience. So when a well-meaning someone offers such tidbits as: It will really help you find a job if you get published” (received by my friend Margaret), or “My cousin thinks you should write a book like A Child Called “It”. She couldn’t put it down” (directed at me), my reaction is anger, followed by frustration, topped off with a slathering of more self-doubt. Obviously my lack of progress is inviting these folks to butt in, and since many of the advice-givers are relatives or friends of relatives, telling them to go to hell isn’t really feasible. So to buck myself up, I found these two great quotes about advice at Brainyquote.com:
“I always pass on good advice. It is the only thing to do with it. It is never of any use to oneself.” Oscar Wilde
“Nobody can give you wiser advice than yourself.” Marcus Tullius Cicero
As writers, we know Oscar and Marcus are correct. Ultimately we have to make the call on what we write and how to keep going. No one can really help us. It has to come from within. That being said, I’d like to end with a few examples of unhelpful career advice my Facebook friends have received:
Paula Hemming: “Act like a lady, think like a man.”
Catt Foy: “You should write my story. It would be a bestseller.”
Ted Chiles: “If only you could be younger.”
Marjetta Geerling: “Marry Well.”
My advice to the advice givers is really the title of this piece. If you are not asked, don’t volunteer your opinion. We thank you.
stressingoutstudent
Darn, I can’t remember who said it, but an author once said (paraphrasing) “When someone says there’s something wrong with a work, they are almost always right. But when they try to tell you what is wrong, they are almost never right.”
But yes, unsolicited opinions are always pretty annoying.